Sunday is Coming

For the last few months, I’ve felt as if I’ve lost my song.

I took a sabbatical from the worship team at church because I’m struggling to lift my song in praise. Literally.

Out in the congregation, I find myself mouthing words because I can’t find my voice. But last Sunday, as I sang about the resurrected life, with both hands lifted & tears streaming down my face, I realized that my tears are my song.

I’ve always been a cryer when it comes to worship. There’s a sensitivity I have to the spirit when I’m in the midst of song to my King, & I’ve been that way since I was a kid. Part of it might be my HSPness—but I think more of it is that I just feel so deeply connected to the Holy Spirit when I’m worshipping.

But this season, these last several months, I’ve felt stuck in a Friday.

We’ve deemed today Good Friday, yet for Christ it was anything but.
He was beaten & mocked.
Bloody & Battered.
Hung on a cross for sins He didn’t commit.

Today, I find myself lingering in this season of Friday-ness.
My soul feeling broken & beat down.
Worn & weary from grief.
Grieving my mother-in-law.
Grieving our infertility.
Grieving lost dreams & unanswered prayers.
Grieving a space of feeling unseen & isolated.

But despite my grief & seemingly lost song, I know, deep down, that this Friday-ness won’t last long.
Or so my tears tell me.

Because we see the ashes of defeat, but it’s from those ashes that He rose.
The victory of a resurrected life for us.
My tears aren’t singing grief but the aliveness of my soul in His victory.
I, too, am being resurrected.

Sunday is coming.

•
•

“Your name, Your name is victory
All praise, will rise
to Christ our King //
By Your spirit I will rise
From the ashes of defeat
The resurrected King, is resurrecting me
In Your name I come alive
To declare Your victory
The resurrected King, is resurrecting me”

-“Resurrecting”, Elevation Worship